Putting the "wump" in "wumpskate"...
When Amanda and I first started dating almost ten years ago, one of our favorite things to do was roller skate. Recently this passion has been rekindled by Wumpskate, which is best described as "Where all the goth kids go for roller skating and tacos."

If you can think of three things that are more awesome together than goths, roller skating, and tacos, I've got news for you: you can't.

When Amanda and I used to skate it was at the beach, where the path is marred by blowing sand, uneven pavement and geography, and giant tourist asses marching two-by-two as if boarding Richard Simmons' Ark. Needless to say, I never really had a chance to develop my technique. In a forum designed exclusively for skating, however, I've found that I'm learning very quickly.

Too quickly.

After only three trips to the roller rink, I've finally learned how to cross over my skates as I take the corners. This resulted in a small boost in confidence and an enormous boost in speed.

A deadly combination.

Late last night, after orbiting the rink for hours, my legs were starting to get sleepy. I came flying around a corner, using my newly mastered crossover skills, when I started to lose my balance. A few comical arm windmills and I had pushed myself back over my center of gravity. I gave a smile and enthusiastic thumbs-up to a few onlookers just in time for my skate to slip out from under me, slamming the side of my skull into the polished hardwood floor.

The next minute or so is a blur of semi-consciousness. I remember thinking that my nose was bleeding, wiping my hand across it, and finding that it wasn't. Then it seemed like I was looking at my pale fingertips for an hour. No, I was crawling. I somehow made it to the carpeted wall and pulled myself back onto my feet long enough to wobble to the safety of a bench. After that I alternated between laughing hysterically and feeling like I was about to throw up, which are the signs of a pretty awesome minor concussion.

This morning my right eye was swollen half-shut by a nice goose egg on my cheek. I immediately regretted the first agonizing bite I took out of breakfast, and then switched to a diet of exclusively squishy foods. I expect I'll make a full recovery by the weekend.

If there's one thing that I'm thankful for out of all of this, it's that I was wearing contact lenses at the time. If I had been wearing my glasses I would have destroyed them and, quite likely, lost an eye.

Of course, the reason I wasn't wearing my glasses when I had my catastrophic balance failure on goth skate night was because I didn't want to obscure my awesome eye makeup.

Hear that sound? That's my dad crying.